Thirty-Four Things I’ve Learned by Thirty-Four

Today I start my thirty-fourth journey around the sun… That just sounds a lot cooler than saying I’m cruising towards middle age, doesn’t it?

Today, I also witnessed my own father be admitted to the hospital with bleeding in his brain. Nothing like a loved one’s serious health issue combined with a birthday to make one wax philosophical on the nature of life… As I was driving home, deep in thought, I began musing on the lessons I’ve learned so far on my journeys on this earth, and this list started to take shape. I hope some of these little nuggets I’ve picked up along the way, help you in your own journey.

So here’s thirty-four things (in no specific order of importance) I learned on my way to age 34:

1. It may sound cliche, but family truly is everything. I’ve lived long enough to have friends, close friends, best friends… And I’ve lived long enough to experience betrayal. I’ve had friends move away, or grow apart, and through it all, I’ve always had my family to fall back on. If you’re a part of a loving, supportive family, like me. Take a moment and give thanks. It’s worth more than royal treasure.

2. Some family, you’re born with, some you choose. This in no way contradicts what I wrote above, but sometimes a friendship undergoes a special metamorphosis where the person becomes family even without DNA… Some of you reading this, are like that for me. You know who you are.

3. At the end of the day, people are attracted to confidence, so get comfortable in your own skin. Most of us will never make the cover of People, and that’s ok. Once you learn to love yourself, you’ll be surprised just how much you glow in the eyes of others as well.

4. The most real kind of wealth isn’t housed in bank accounts.

5. The most real kind of wisdom isn’t contained in the textbooks you read in school.

6. Life isn’t fair… And that’s kind of the point. Our souls weren’t made to exist forever in this world, and the imperfections here, draw our attention to what lies beyond.

7. Having a beautiful soul is much more important than flawless cheekbones and perfect muscle tone. You may be attracted to the latter, but you’ll only stay for the former.

8. There is no expiration date on human grief. I know when you lose someone dear to your heart, people will tell you that it gets better with time. So you’ll cry in private, you’ll fake a smile, you’ll press on even when it feels like you’ve ripped off your own arm, and the pain does become more bearable… And then you’ll find yourself years later crying for no reason at a bird feeder in your backyard, and question your own sanity. You are sane, my beautiful friend. You are human, and your grief is still legitimate even after years have passed.

9. There are few joys on this broken planet that compare to a perfectly crafted cup of tea. “But I don’t like hot tea, Seth.” Nonsense… You’ve just never tasted mine…

10. You can tell a lot by a person by how they treat small children and old people. You know, people who can’t do anything for them in return.

11. Real Christianity isn’t defined by how many Bible verses you can recite from memory, how many times you go to church, or how many things are on your list of “don’ts.” It’s a real relationship with a real person that affects every other relationship in your life.

12. Real Christianity is, unfortunately, seldom practiced in this world.

13. Life is better with a cat. Period.

14. Life at its lengthiest is short. Eat the dang chocolate.

15. Everybody talks about living well, laughing often, dancing in the rain and such (seriously why do white people hang this stuff all over their walls?) But people will still think you’re eccentric if you ACTUALLY do those things… Do them anyway.

16. The human body functions better when it’s hydrated, and consumed some protein. Feeling depressed? Put some fuel in your tank, fam.

17. Everyone has quirks. Everyone has a fandom, even though only a few of us use that term. Life is hard, and we all deserve our hobbies and interests to get through. Don’t let people shame yours. Are you into Sci-Fi movies? Live long and prosper. Christmas Crazy? Binge those Hallmark movies, without shame. Video games? Game on, fam! Arts and Crafts? I wouldn’t mind a new scarf… Whatever makes your journey more healthy, meaningful, and enjoyable, YOU DO YOU BOO.

18. Pay attention to how people interact with animals. This reveals a lot about a person’s heart. Pay special attention to people who animals are drawn to. Animals don’t put on pretenses like humans.

19. Toxic masculinity is, unfortunately, the norm in our world. Real men cry. Real men care about others. Real men respect women as intellectual equals.

20. Humans differ in how tall their bodies are, how many fat cells we carry around, and how much melanin is in our skin, but human hearts are basically all the same. At the end of the day, we all want to feel safe, loved, and accepted.

21. Your mom was right… It really doesn’t matter what other people think…

22. Actually your mom was right about more things than you’ll feel comfortable admitting. And you’ll find yourself quoting her at times without meaning to…

23. Sitting around a dinner table with people you truly love is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Don’t only do it on Thanksgiving.

24. If you’re struggling with depression or any type of mental condition, PLEASE do NOT be ashamed to talk about it or ask for help. The fact that people feel a stigma about this is ridiculous. Most of us have dealt with some form of depression or anxiety in this day, and you’re welcome in my circle, anytime… no fake happy face required.

25. Reading is the deadliest weapon against ignorance. Read broadly. Read authors that challenge your worldview. Read everything you can get your hands on.

26. We are all born storytellers and artists, but only a few of us persist into adulthood, but the truth is that these things are a necessary part of the human experience and healing for the soul.

27. It’s better to attempt something huge and not fully succeed than to be too afraid to try. You’ll still gain experience and knowledge even if you don’t fully achieve the big goal, and you’ll be surprised how often you do.

28. Independent thinkers are often perceived as a threat… Think for yourself anyway…

29. When you focus on positivity you’ll typically find your life to be full of positive things. The opposite is also true.

30. We tend to make our biggest mistakes when we rush. There is no set “right age” for any life achievement.

31. Life isn’t just the weekends, holidays, and vacations. The “mundane” parts are a part of your life too. Finding joy in every moment is a worthwhile goal for all of us.

32. Most of us are in, fact, “making it up as we go,” some of us are just more honest about it.

33. Just because there are some incapable of seeing your worth, doesn’t mean that your actual value decreases in the slightest.

34. Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.